HAVING OUR SAY

Read Previous Commentaries from Having Our Say

Every few weeks, Iris and Hibiscus, two of the Administrators of TotallyTamara, take on TPTB and weigh in with our opinions on the show, pairings, characters, storylines, you name it. It isn’t pretty, but it’s honest. We don’t claim to have inside sources, rumors or scoops or spoilers, nor do we speak for all the Administrators or the staff of TT. But we do speak our minds, and we invite your comments and opinions. Contact us at Iris@totallytamara.com and Hibiscus@totallytamara.com and tell us what you think.

Edition 2 - July, 2005

IRIS: Well, it’s that time again. Time to Have Our Say.........

HIBISCUS: Somehow I just don’t feel like saying anything this time.

IRIS: No, there really are no words.

HIBISCUS: Only music....

IRIS: So here goes........

CLASS
(A Parody from the Broadway musical Chicago)
With our apologies to Kander and Ebb

HIBISCUS (Spoken):
Well, waddya think, Iris?
GH has really gone gone low-brow!
It ain’t what it used to be.

IRIS:
It sure ain’t, Honey.
It’s all changed.

HIBISCUS (Singing):
Whatever happened to good writing?
And great stories?
And real romance?
Why is watching the show
A royal pain in the ass?
Because it’s lost its CLASS!

IRIS & HIBISCUS:
CLASS!

IRIS (Singing):
Whatever happened to, "I love you!"?
And good drama?
And, “Can’t miss it!”?
’Most every story on
These days
Is simply trash!
The show has got no CLASS!

IRIS & HIBISCUS:
CLASS!

HIBISCUS:
Sad!
Ain’t no vow Sonny keeps—
Not anymore!
He left his wife
So he could cheat
With Sluts and Whores!
And now he kills men off
While they’re at Mass!
‘Cause now he’s got no CLASS!

IRIS & HIBISCUS:
CLASS!

IRIS:
What-ever happened to
the show’s
Veterans?

HIBISCUS:
Some Adventure?

IRIS:
Imagination?

HIBISCUS:
Hell,
No one watches the show.
They just
Give it a pass!
The show is fading
FAST!

IRIS & HIBISCUS:
FAST!

IRIS:
Now,
Man-slut Sonny
is not worth
a second glance!
And Skanky Sam
Has slept with everyone
in pants!

HIBISCUS:
9 year-old Mikey killed someone;
And got a PASS!

IRIS:
FedHo Reese is everywhere---
And, God, she’s TRASH!

IRIS & HIBISCUS:
GH is out of GAS!

HIBISCUS:
With ratings falling FAST!

IRIS:
And soon they’ll be dead LAST!

HIBISCUS:
Why?
‘Cause all they show these days
Is sleaze:
A mess!

IRIS:
Holy Hell,
Ain’t there no decency left?

IRIS & HIBISCUS:
We say,
“The show has got no CLASS”!

HIBISCUS:
And this Sonny
we watch—

IRIS:
He’s got his brains in his crotch!

HIBISCUS:
Fire Frons!

IRIS:
Fire Jill!

HIBISCUS:
Do it FAST!

IRIS & HIBISCUS:
Or else your show won’t LAST!

LIGHTS FADE OUT

Until next time,
Having Our Say,

Iris and Hibiscus
Administrators of TotallyTamara

Edition 1 - June, 2005

HIBISCUS: If you’re really loving GH these days, you might as well stop reading right now, you aren’t going to have a good time here, LOL.

IRIS: Now, I wouldn’t go that far.....well, actually I would, come to think of it. We’re being honest, pulling no punches, so I guess it’s going to be pretty brutal.

HIBISCUS: You’re so right on that one. Where do you want to start?

IRIS: How about a generic question that opens all sorts of doors? Like “What do you think of GH these days?”

HIBISCUS: Honest answer? I think it sucks donkey balls.

IRIS: ITA. I try not to think of it at all, to tell you the truth.

HIBISCUS: We’re on the same page, here, then. But to be honest with you, considering the lousy ratings, we’re not the only ones.

IRIS: Would you believe a show that has a cast that is, with a few notable exceptions, so talented, and a Head Writer as downright genius as Bob Guza can be, would be such a royal mess that it’s all but unwatchable these days?

HIBISCUS: Well, YES, because we have Jill and Frons having THEIR say. Enough said.

IRIS: True. It has all the markings of both of them, and frankly Pratt hasn’t impressed me much either. And I guess Guza can’t always be great----although since he created Carly and S&C, I’m inclined to cut him a lot of slack. But, damn, this show is just not worth the
paper it’s written on.

HIBISCUS: Is it just me, or do you get the impression that the storyline meetings consist of a bunch of people sitting around munching donuts and looking at the sucky ratings from last week, and making changes on a dime, trying desperately to find SOMETHING that the viewers will actually watch?

IRIS: Oh, yeah, I can see that. But there’s another part you missed. The one where someone finds a stack of scripts from a few years ago, dusts them off, changes the characters’ names, and announces that they have a real winner of a story that everyone will just be blown away by.

HIBISCUS: Yeah, everyone is blown away, all right. Blown away from their TV.

IRIS: I am, for sure. I’m of the school that maintains that “If I didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.”

HIBISCUS: ITA, it’s the only way to fly these days, LOL, given the mess of a storyline for just about every couple on the screen.

IRIS: Remember that famous Jill Phelps quote that said “you give the viewers what they don’t know they want”? Those were words to live by. Or die by, if you are talking about ratings. Or the lack of them, as the case may be.

HIBISCUS: Yes, I guess this is their attempt to do just that. The only problem is that most viewers don’t watch what they don’t like. Or at least, the vast majority of them don’t. I guess there are a handful of masochists out there. They’ll watch anything, even a test pattern. Actually, come to think of it, a test pattern would be more enjoyable.

IRIS: I haven’t watched in so long, it’s pathetic. I used to be glued to my TV at 3pm. Now I just watch Judge Joe Brown and wait for Jill and Frons to be out on their collective asses so that I get my GH back to watch. When will ABC finally give it up, and let someone with a brain---someone BTW who RESPECTS women and credits its viewers with intelligence, unlike its current regime, clearly----step in and fix the mess that is GH? When, when, when?

HIBISCUS: Never, probably. I have to say, I thank God for those brave soldiers who DO watch, and then recap what-all is going on so that the rest of us don’t have to watch. That way we can wait until we get the “all clear” sign before we chance it and turn the dial to ABC. As for me, I just live off fan fic.

IRIS: Yeah, me too. Tell me, why the hell is it that some fan fic writers know the characters better than TPTB, and can actually think of creative character-driven stories that make you eager to read the next chapter? Why can’t ABC hire some of those fan fic writers instead of the hacks they do?

HIBISCUS: Speaking of hacks, remember Megan McTavish? Also known as Megan McHack? The genius who single-handedly made GH unwatchable, until she was rewarded for her incompetence by being sent over to AMC?

IRIS: JFP should have been canned for that move alone. Come on, be honest now: if you or I made a hiring decision like that on our jobs, we’d be (deservedly) out on our asses. But not at ABC, no sir. At ABC, you’re not only tolerated, you’re celebrated. Insane, isn’t it?

HIBISCUS: Oh, yeah. It’s sad. I actually think that if they had Bob Guza and Elizabeth Korte as co-Head Writers, and we went back to good old fashioned Romance, we could actually have a show that would be number one in the ratings week after week. No other show or network would be able to touch GH. But we don’t. Instead, we have Boink-the-Latest-Bimbo, so pretty soon Passions is going to be higher in the ratings than GH.

IRIS: Amen. Spoken as a true S&C fan, by the way, LOL.

HIBISCUS: Card-carrying member, and proud of it. Which means that until I get the story I want to see, with no third parties involved and no bimbo-of-the-month paired with Sonny while Carly makes do with a guy she actually says that she hopes to “learn to love”, I just have an extra hour on my schedule each day.

IRIS: ITA, I’m another S&C fan who thanks God for Edit tapes. And FF on the remotes so that I can get through the edits. Which, by the way, I haven’t bought since December of 2003: S&C dancing in PH4 on Christmas, Michael and Morgan watching from the sofa. That’s where the S&C story ends for me, before Sonny and Bimbo Sam on the Island, and Carly having erotic dreams of the man who stalked her for months and tried to drive her husband crazy.

HIBISCUS: Which wasn’t too hard to do, either. Can you tell me, please: Why would Sonny believe that Lily was a ghost trying to warn him of danger, when Jason continually reminded him that this “ghost” was running away from guns and leaving her footprints in the grass? Do they want us to think Sonny is stupid?

IRIS: Apparently so. To say nothing of the fact that if Lily was really going to warn him of danger ahead, she was conspicuously absent when he was almost killed by Sorel in front of the police station that Christmas.....

HIBISCUS: And when Sorel stabbed him in the cemetery. And remember when Sorel tried to bomb his PH? Before Sonny himself blew PH4 up, I mean, along with the rest of HarborView Towers. And Lily was MIA again when Sonny’s coffee warehouse blew up.

IRIS: LOL, which time do you mean? I can think of several times it went boom. The only time I really enjoyed it was when they killed off that pain-in-the-ass know-it-all Kristina. Too bad they didn’t kill off a few more of the more annoying characters. There are plenty of them to go around, that’s for sure.

HIBISCUS: Well, there’s always another explosion around the corner, so don’t fret. TPTB are nothing if not repetitive. Myself, I’m voting for Reese and Emily to be trapped in there together. Ka-BOOM!

IRIS: Now wouldn’t that be the best? I’d tape that episode, for sure. That would definitely qualify as “must-see TV”.

HIBISCUS: Where do you think things started to go wrong? If you had to name one particular storyline, I mean?

IRIS: Oh, there are too many to choose from: Carly, of all people, going to the FBI, after she was the one who exposed Hannah Banana; frozen popsicle Stavros unthawing under the hospital with no one noticing a damned thing all those years; Loon Lady of the Lake Angel dragging unconscious mobsters from graveyards at night; Alexis as cross-dressing Dobson, who kills Luis and isn’t even disbarred, let alone jailed; Courtney the stripper, who had the longest run of “me, too” stories ever. Not to mention: the Excellent Adventures of St. Roy and Melissa, the Dr. Kevorkian of Port Charles; the still-continuing saga of Sam-do-you-like-me-now?; Dylan as a cross-dressing Viagra addict; Nikolas who cured Emily’s cancer with a single kiss; etc, etc. Just to name a few. Who the hell thinks this stuff up, anyway?

HIBISCUS: Who the hell thinks anyone wants to watch it? LOL, more of the “give them what they don’t know they want” school of Executive Producing. And more God-awful sucky storylines still to come, apparently, if the spoilers actually come to pass.

IRIS: Yeah, I’ve seen the spoilers. Nothing I want to watch, at least for the next few months. My current favorite is Courtney collecting Jax’s sperm. What does she use? A turkey baster? Does she collect their sheets and scrape it off with a spoon? What? No, please, don’t tell me, it’s too much information for my tender mind (and stomach) to handle.

HIBISCUS: And what about Reese’s ex-husband getting murdered? And Ric apparently taking the blame for it? That’s certainly “must-see TV”, don’t you think?

IRIS: Why do they think I’d care, when I haven’t given a rat’s ass about Reese herself since she first came on the show? Too bad Ric doesn’t bump her off, too.

HIBISCUS: ITA, now that would make up for the panic room debacle that totally ruined the long-awaited S&C pregnancy story for me.

IRIS: Which concluded, if you remember, with Sonny bursting into the room and shooting Carly in the head. Why? Because he heard her screaming and thought Alcazar was, I guess, trying to rape her.

HIBISCUS: When he’d already been told that she was in labor. I guess he thought poor Lorenzo was so desperate for nookie that he had to jump the bones of a nine-month-pregnant woman. Or that Sonny was so downright stupid that he actually forgot that women delivering babies scream.

IRIS: Well, apparently he did, that’s what the writers told us. Yep, good old smart Sonny. He’s a Mob boss, but according to the writers, he’s just as dumb as a box of rocks. He never learns to wear a condom, even though Stone died of AIDS, Robin is now living with AIDS, and he himself founded an AIDS wing of the hospital.....

HIBISCUS: Not to mention, he’s impregnated just about every woman he’s ever been paired with, one-night stand or not. I guess we’re just lucky that he only kissed Brenda, or we’d have had a “who’s the daddy?” storyline there, too. Which, want to bet, we’re going to get pretty soon, now that Sonny finally slept with the Skanky Fed Reese after she’d already boinked his brother? Oh, what a way to kick off a romance, don’t you think? Has me swooning, for sure.

IRIS: Oh, yeah, LOL, me too. But remember, they weren’t a couple then, so it doesn’t matter! And I have that on good authority, from a self-appointed Internet Expert on what TPTB are really doing and thinking, LOL. Nope, they weren’t a couple, so the Ric/Reese boinking just doesn’t count.

HIBISCUS: Maybe not to the writers or your so-called Expert, it doesn’t. But to me, when they take off their clothes, roll around in the sheets and he-shows-her-his and she-shows-him-hers.....they’re a couple. There’s two reasons to be in bed: you’re a couple, or else you’re a hooker and a John.

IRIS: Spoil-sport, LOL. You’re just no fun! This is true romance, GH style. And, what do you want to bet, the “who’s the daddy?” story is a-coming soon? Another “shocking twist”, LOL. Poor MB, he ought to sue someone for the lousy ass stories Sonny’s had under JFP. Sonny looks like a dirty dog, and that’s no lie.

HIBISCUS: Most of the actors ought to sue someone. Not to mention the viewers. We definitely have grounds for a lawsuit, for sure. Those viewers who are still watching, that is. Those of the strong stomachs and the high masochistic tendencies.

IRIS: And, will you please tell me, how the Hell many times does Carly have to walk in on Sonny and his current boink-of-the-month? Come on, already! That old plot point is so old it’s collecting Medicare. First it was Alexis, then Sam, then Reese, etc., etc. Just what are the writers trying to tell us here? That Sonny can only get his winky up when Carly’s watching? OK, guys, we got it! No Carly watchee, no Sonny winkee. Damn, do the writers even consider what this looks like to the average woman viewer? Do they think
their majority of women viewers really want to see other women continually degraded and humiliated?

HIBISCUS: Apparently they do, since almost every female character on the show has been either one or the other, or both. Think about it: Carly pounding on the door of PH4, running around town in her wedding dress, begging for Sonny to forgive her. Alexis, unable to conduct business as a smart strong attorney, all because she’s too busy thinking of how to get a ride on Sonny’s apparently Magic Penis. Brenda, ping-ponging back and forth between Sonny and Jax, and finally dumped at the end by not one but both men. Skye getting drunk and having sex with a strip-joint owner, and then getting the hots for a man she used to think was her cousin.

IRIS: Hey, you forgot a few: Courtney actually becoming a stripper and giving Jason a lap dance as a way to start their relationship. Laura, of all people, after Luke and Laura made GH a household word, getting carted off slobbering and frizzy haired to the looney bin after stabbing poor old Rick.

HIBISCUS: Too many to count, honestly. It’s disgusting. Now we have Michael the 9 year old murderer. Um, one word, ABC: Columbine.

IRIS: I had that same thought. I couldn’t believe they were going to be dumb enough to go there. Or insensitive enough. Or both.

HIBISCUS: Never underestimate the capacity for TPTB to be dumb, honey. But yeah, bottom line is, what woman wants to sit down for enjoyment and watch a show that has a kid she watched grow from infancy on the show.....

IRIS:.....Turn into a murderer! Yep. Not any woman I’ve spoken to, I can tell you that.

HIBISCUS: And now we get the Q’s trying to grab Michael back....AGAIN. We have to do that lame ass story at least once a year. Geez, I was hoping when good old smarmy AJ bit the dust, we’d be safe from that old chestnut, but again, I was wrong.

IRIS: You know, the whole thing is, the writers just go too far with all the characters. They don’t know when to stop until finally the character just becomes totally and completely ridiculous. I think that’s the Frons school of thought, though. He really ought to be canned, it’s the only thing that can save GH.

HIBISCUS: Shock-u-drama, thy name is GH—Frons style.

IRIS: Or, schlock-u-drama. There really are NO character-driven stories, just one plot point after another, all designed to get you to the next “shocking twist”, as trumpeted by TPTB in the mags.

HIBISCUS: Yes, but the problem is that there NEVER is a really shocking twist! The viewers can always spot what’s going to happen a mile away! Then we have to sit forever through the endless schlop and wait until TPTB can actually come up with something that’s worth watching. Which happens all too infrequently, under JFP and Frons. And sadly, from under Guza and Pratt, too. Thus the appeal of Judge Joe Brown at 3pm.

IRIS: ITA. Hell, even Dr. Phil is more unpredictable than GH. You know, I think we missed an element of the writers’ meetings: they’re required to watch the previous week’s worth of Jerry Springer episodes before they’re allowed in to the Writers Room on Monday morning.

HIBISCUS: Well, I myself think Frons watches more of the Playboy Channel than he watches anything else. That seems to be where he finds his pool of talent. Think of it: Angel, Summer, Sam, Reese---ALL played by soft-porn “actresses”.

IRIS: LOL, but....but....but.....”they have skills”. Remember that MB mag quote?

HIBISCUS: Yeah, talk about an understatement. But unfortunately for the viewers, the“skills” they have aren’t acting skills. Thus the term “newbie boobie” was coined. Enough said, LOL.

IRIS: A really talented cast, and one God-awful storyline after another. Honestly, there isn’t one storyline on the show now that I want to watch, let alone actually find enjoyable. Not one. That’s pretty sad. And NONE in the Summer Previews.

HIBISCUS: ITA. I have the whole Summer free, thanks to TPTB. Because I’m not watching until they actually give me a story that I actually want to see. I don’t give a flying fart what JFP or Frons or these woman-hating writers want to watch: let them waste an hour a day. Not this viewer. I can get more entertainment from cleaning my bathroom. Sad, but too too true.

IRIS: Oh, babe, you’re preaching to the choir, here. I’m outta there until I see S&C together again. The S&C I remember, I mean. I don’t want Carly anywhere near THIS version of Sonny. This guy I’ve seen for the last 2 years, I don’t know, and I don’t care to. EEEEEUUUUUU.

HIBISCUS: Total Lounge Lizard, I hear ya. Sad, sad, sad. I look at my Edit tapes and I wonder whatever happened to the Sonny I loved? What part of ANY of these last few storylines has made Sonny look good? That’s what I want to know. None. And hey, what
do you want to bet that the next victim of his Magic Penis is Emily? Young enough to be his daughter, but hey, it’s sleazy, so ABC won’t be able to resist.

IRIS: Then he’ll make his way down the line---Maxie, Georgie, LuLu.

HIBISCUS: Oh yeah, and they’ll ALL get pregnant because Don Lounge Lizard STILL won’t wear a condom. Yep, just the message we want to get out to the Youth of America. ABC, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

IRIS: Disney ought to be ashamed of them, too. ICK. On to happier things: I love Jennifer as Carly, don’t you? I miss Tamara, but I’m glad she got the hell out of Dodge while the getting was good. The only thing worse than having this show suck donkey balls the way it now does, would be having poor Tams still have to act in it.

HIBISCUS: ITA with all of that. And the other thing that’s sad is that they have a number of veteran actors, really talented actors, characters you grew up with and really care about, like Monica, Alan, Bobbie, Edward.....

IRIS: Don’t remind me of Edward. When I think of what TPTB did to John Ingle I just want to punch in a wall. But at least he’s being appreciated now on Days Of Our Lives. And the way they treated Anna Lee was just plain disgusting. Then they followed it up with a
storyline that had the just-widowed Edward hot-to-trot with psycho bitch Heather, of all people. Dear God in Heaven, whoever thought that scenario up needs to be locked away where there is no pen or paper handy.

HIBISCUS: Yep, and they keep bringing on new characters that no one cares about and shoving them down viewers’ throats, 24/7. Why not write for the cast you have, instead of blowing your budget to hire newbies that no one cares about?

IRIS: Because they have no imagination, that’s why!!!! And because an EP gets paid for each new character they create. Thus the continual parade of newbies played by FOJs, whenever she can shove them in. And when they introduce a real stinker....

HIBISCUS: Which they have continually under JFP and Frons.....

IRIS: Then they just re-write the story, and give the character still another back-story. Give them a dead baby or a retarded brother or an ingrown toenail.....

HIBISCUS: And try again and again to redeem the worthless waste of airtime.....

IRIS: Until they finally have to give it up and write them off because ain’t nobody buying what they’re selling.

HIBISCUS: LOL, amen, amen! But, you know, I think we’ve Had Our Say for this time. There’s a lot more to discuss in future columns, so we hope you’ll join us.

IRIS: We welcome your comments, but, LOL, if you’re enjoying the show, well.........

HIBISCUS & IRIS: Don’t call us, we’ll call you!

Till next time,

Having Our Say,

Iris and Hibiscus
Administrators of TotallyTamara